Nithyananda Gets a Doctor's Note
When we last left you in our blog post from yesterday, "Part 1: Nithyananda's Record at Healing" (recommended to read first), poor Sri Nithyananda seemed to have passed out from the very thought of us posting information on how someone who has attended his programs at the Vedic Temple in Montclair, Los Angeles, or suffered from a loved one who has attended any function in the Vedic Temple in Montclair, which is close to Los Angeles...
(Please note that we purposely repeat the term Vedic Temple in Montclair / Los Angeles so that Google will nicely index the keywords "Vedic Temple Montclair Los Angeles" so that anyone who does a search for "Nithyananda Vedic Temple Los Angeles exactly in Montclair" will be able to find this post about Nithyananda and his Vedic Temple in Montclair within the greater Los Angeles region. We apologies for the repetition of using the keywords of Vedic Temple Montclair Los Angeles.)
Where were we?... oh, yes, if anyone attended a function at the Vedic Temple in Montclair that is close to Los Angeles, that person could make a legal claim against, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, the Vedic Temple in Montclair, which is just a few miles from Los Angeles, and his cult. (Stay tuned for a future post.)
To help Sri Nithyananda come out of his 'instant' and convenient samadhi's, I brought along some pictures of some very attractive ladies to help him regain his awareness. Let's see if this works.
Sri Nithyananda, I'm so glad that we're back together again to continue this discussion about your healing record and help to clarify it. Sri Nithyananda, are you going into samadhi already or are you just rolling your eyes? Sri Nithyananda, since you claim that you are an 'enlightened' healing master, do you ever get sick? You will say, "No." OK, I thought that is what you would say. After all, if anyone ever sees you, Sri Nithyananda, get sick, that would kind of ruin the market, kind of like being a pregnant prostitute, wouldn't it? Sri Nithyananda, you can't go into samadhi this early. We barely got started. OK, Sri Nithyananda, could you help explain the special ingredients that must help an 'enlightened' master that specifically found in Airborne®? Yes, we know that you munch on Airborne® as if it were popcorn or something. Is that why you're packing all those extra pounds? Come on, Sri Nithyananda, you have to admit that your face has grown chubbier than a chipmunk. Sri Nithyananda, where do you get your supply of Airborne®? Do you have your 'trusted' devotees bring them to you? Of course, you do. Why, we even know some of the people who supplied you all this Airborne® before you gone off on you journeys, you know when you sit in the first class cabin of some big jet, why you make your assistant, Ma Nithyananda Gopika, sit in the cattle cart section of economy coach. I'm sure the attractive flight attendants give you all the attention you need to help make it through that long, lonely journey.
Speaking of Ma Nithyananda Gopika, how's she doing, Sri Nithyananda? Does she still carry all of your oversized luggage and your big, big, big gold accessories? That's pretty heavy lifting there, Sri Nithyananda. And, Sri Nithyananda, why does your luggage sound like a pair of maracas? Oh, that's her luggage, not your luggage, Sri Nithyananda. OK, so why does Ma Nithyananda Gopika's luggage sound like a pair of maracas? Let's take a look. Oh, it is full of extra strength painkillers. Why would anyone around an 'enlightened' healing master be carrying around bottles of painkiller?
Sri Nithyananda, you're going into samadhi again. Here, look at this picture of this pretty lady. She is a traditional belly dancer. Maybe you can have her do a performance at one of your traditional functions? Oh, yes, you're right. Perhaps you, Sri Nithyananda, better have a private screening first, just to make sure of her qualifications.
OK, Sri Nithyananda, I'm glad you're out of samadhi. Now, why does your personal assistant, Ma Nithyananda Gopika carry, all those pain relief pills on her? Oh, that's right. She has severe back pain. You, know, Sri Nithyananda, you might want to give her a little attention and heal her back. That would be a nice thing to do for her, after she has done all of this work for you; you know, Sri Nithyananda, she works almost 24x7 just for you. It is only fair. And, that way, Sri Nithyananda, others won't ever question your healing abilities.
Sri Nithyananda, Ma Nithyananda's back problems are not attributed to you, are they? After all, it is a well-known fact that you do break the backs of all your ashramites. Do they ever get any rest? Do they ever stop working? Do they ever have a day off? OK, Sri Nithyananda, we'll save that one for another post.
Sri Nithyananda, back to you. Have you ever gotten visibly sick? Not at least to the point that anyone ever has noticed? OK, Sri Nithyananda, I know you will say, "No." That response was pretty easy to guess, but once again, Sri Nithyananda, you're wrong. Sri Nithyananda, do you remember your first NSP program held in Newark, close to Fremont, California in the Bay Area / San Jose region of California in 2004? Of course you do. Why Sri Nithyananda, the air circulation in that hotel, the Holiday Inn Express, was way off, and everyone got sick, except for you because you are an 'enlightened' healing master, correct? However, you did hold a little orange handkerchief, and that little orange handkerchief did some magic trick around your nose about every 30 seconds. And, Sri Nithyananda, your voice sounded pretty raspy too. Was that due to some fire ritual or was it due to yelling at the people who you were traveling with?
And, what about that time in St. Louis, 2007 to be exact? Your nose was running longer and faster than a marathon finalist during that final sprint for the finish. And, all that coughing of yours; was that your special gift to attendees? Why you, Sri Nithyananda, could market this as a special technique of 'hack' your way to 'enlightenment', but probably just being in your presence is enough. And, that handkerchief that you used that day, what did you, Sri Nithyananda, do with that? I hope you disposed of it properly. I could just imagine some deluded followers of yours proudly displaying that filthy piece of cloth in their prayer room. "Yes, you see all this snout and buggers? That's from an 'enlightened' healing master! It radiates energy.", and germs, no doubt. Sri Nithyananda, did you ever release a video about the 'truths' you revealed in St. Louis in 2007 when you were so sick? We thought you would say "no". Better to re-record those after you had some Airborne®.
Sri Nithyananda, that seems to be quite a trap you worked yourself into. Now, you can never get sick or show any one that your not feeling well, or your validity vanishes even faster than your ashramites' life savings. What if you get high blood pressure or something? I bet you have to work extra hard to hush-hush that. I bet all it will take, Sri Nithyananda, is for someone to throw a couple of banana peels your way, and then you slip right into your own trap. I hope, Sri Nithyananda, you can escape from this. Would this be a new form of 'enlightenment'?
Wait, Sri Nithyananda, there must be a way out of this trap. I know, each time you get a common cold or something, you can claim that you have taken on the karma of a severe trauma patient who happens to be related to a big donor and say that I have taken on and am burning off that poor person's karma. This way, you can still be human and get sick, and get the gratitude of some big donor who will be glad to write a big check and hope that you get even sicker next time. Why this works with just about anyone, Sri Nithyananda. I bet you, Sri Nithyananda, can say things like "You would have gotten in a terrible auto accident, but instead, I got this cold sore near my lip. It is through my grace, as an 'enlightened' master that I took this cold sore on." Wow, Sri Nithyananda, I see the checkbooks opening now! Sri Nithyananda, you could now say that you suck up other people's bad karma like a big sponge. Others might then say that you are truly a spiritual sponge.
Sri Nithyannda, do you remember shortly after you opened the Vedic Temple in Montclair and one of your followers came to you with their child who had a severe, chronic, incapacitating, debilitating illness? Sri Nithyananda, are you going into samadhi again? Listen. You did several 'healings' on this child, and at one point you boldly proclaimed that, "You are healed!" The mother of this child had so much trust in you and your healing capabilities that she took her child off the medication. Two days later, her child was in serious condition and almost rushed to the emergency room if the medicine (not your 'healing') was not resumed. Why that could have resulted in a big lawsuit and perhaps even criminal charges. Do you remember this, Sri Nithyananda? Sri Nithyananda, can you hear me? Dang. He's gone into samadhi again. Sri Nithyananda, I'm holding a picture of a very attractive lady in a nurse outfit. Boy, that hemline on her skirt seems very short for a nurse uniform; in fact, there's not much of a hemline at all. Do you think she's a real nurse just as you, Sri Nithyananda, are a real 'healer'? Ah, I knew you would come to, Sri Nithyananda.
Sri Nithyananda, what do you say when you cannot heal someone but there still alive? Yes, we already know your trick about saying that you healed their soul, but not their body, when they died. But, what if they don't die, but still not healed? Sri Nithyananda, you're going into samadhi again. Snap out of it! I'm almost out of pictures. Let me help you. One of our blog readers wrote in to tell us a story that you told in your book, "Guaranteed Solutions". You said that you went to heal the person and then this person's 'being' (I guess you mean soul) came out and talked to you. That conversation was in Tamil, even though the 'patient' never spoke Tamil before. Nandri. Vanakkam. And, according to you, that being said to you, "Hands off! I want to live a nice life being taken care of. I don't want to be healed!" Do you remember this, Sri Nithyananda?
Although I couldn't find this reference in my edition of "Guaranteed Solutions", first edition, Dec. 2005, I remember the first time that you said something like this was at the first acharya (teacher) training program in the Siddhachalam Jain Temple in New Jersey in September 2004. During the acharya training, there was a very dedicated and sincere family with an autistic child. Without mentioning their names, you, Sri Nithyananda, blurted out this 'truth'. The child's mother was very upset, naturally, and we all knew who you were talking about. Sri Nithyananda, did you really mean to pit off the parents of an autistic child versus their devotion for you? Now, families that have relatives or children that cannot be healed by you can now blame their sick loved ones for having uncooperating souls. That's quite a coup there, Sri Nithyananda. Are there other ways that you, Sri Nithyananda, go and break up families? (Hint: look for future posts.) I imagine that you need to be very careful before you play this card, because some families might even believe their loved ones more than the stories from an 'enlightened' healing master, Sri Nithyananda. At that point, these non-believers will just close their checkbooks and miss. Sri Nithyananda, that could really hurt. Neither do you get their donations and they miss your blessings. Scandalous. But, if you carefully plan and calculate the family's devotion to you, by using this tactic, you, Sri Nithyananda, go unscathed and still rack in big donations. Sri Nithyananda, you're quite a baller!
Sri Nithyananda, you say that it is lunchtime? But, we are not finished yet. Oh, I see there's a young attractive lady who has brought you your lunch. Sri Nithyananda, can we finish this conversation after you have your lunch? What? In five hours? But, it doesn't take five hours to eat lunch, does it? OK, OK, you look thoroughly not happy, Sri Nithyananda. I'll come back after five hours, but we need to get this clear so nobody will have any doubts about you, Sri Nithyananda, and your healing abilities any more.
To be continued...